Comments on: THE CYCLE OF ABUSE http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/ The autobiographical notes of Alice Parris: poet/lyricist/singer of old jazz standards. Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:57:01 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: aliceparris http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-121 aliceparris Sat, 05 Jul 2008 20:25:30 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-121 Amen! Amen!

]]> By: thenonconformer http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-120 thenonconformer Fri, 04 Jul 2008 07:28:22 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-120 Truly any type of abuse is unacceptable and anywhere too and exposing it louldy in public as well as calling the police is the best way to deal with it for everyon'es benefit, the abuser included. God himself clearly does not accept verbal, physical, or human rigths absues (Mat 18:6 KJV) But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. (Mat 18:7 KJV) Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! (Mat 18:8 KJV) Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. Truly any type of abuse is unacceptable and anywhere too

and exposing it louldy in public as well as calling the police is the best way to deal with it for everyon’es benefit, the abuser included.

God himself clearly does not accept verbal, physical, or human rigths absues

(Mat 18:6 KJV) But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

(Mat 18:7 KJV) Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

(Mat 18:8 KJV) Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

]]> By: aliceparris http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-119 aliceparris Thu, 03 Jul 2008 20:36:23 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-119 Verbal abuse is insidious. It is akin to the torture of one drop upon one's forehead at a time over time. I have spoken with many women, having suffered physical and verbal abuse, who said they would rather have undergone physical abuse which would have been over after an episode(until the next episode) than to have the rapid-refiring of verbal abuse which de-constructs the ego and erodes self-esteem, continuously. Obviously, any form of abuse is not acceptable. Alice Parris Verbal abuse is insidious. It is akin to the torture of one drop upon one’s forehead at a time over time. I have spoken with many women, having suffered physical and verbal abuse, who said they would rather have undergone physical abuse which would have been over after an episode(until the next episode) than to have the rapid-refiring of verbal abuse which de-constructs the ego and erodes self-esteem, continuously. Obviously, any form of abuse is not acceptable.
Alice Parris

]]> By: thenonconformer http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-118 thenonconformer Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:43:10 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-118 http://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/verbal-abuse-is-always-unacceptable-too/ http://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/verbal-abuse-is-always-unacceptable-too/

]]> By: aliceparris http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-100 aliceparris Tue, 20 May 2008 18:14:32 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-100 It is now May 20th, 2008. I am happy to say that my daughter is with me. She managed to escape her abusive relationship, with her halfway house being her brother's home, where she found some relief from the relentless psychological abuse of her significant other. She was not ready to come stay with me until she saw, by virtue of the scantiness of unconditional love made available to her, that she would be able to start the real healing process with me. She said, "I am my mother's daughter." I tried so desperatey throughout the years to caution her to not make the same mistakes that I had. All of my warnings fell on deaf ears, as my mother's warnings fell upon my deaf ears. My daughter is not on medication, nor is she in therapy. She is just being loved for who she is. She is secure, has found a part-time job with people who appear to like her. She respects me and my home and I do not puattempt to push reforms or agendas upon her. They never worked anyhow. My home is a safe environment. There are no power plays here. We have learned to accept and respect each other as we are; wholly imperfect, yet open to truth. Love and laughter are universal medications that all of the physicians and pharmaceutical companies in the world cannot replicate. My daughter has stopped mood-swinging (leading me to further believe that many of these episodes were externally-triggered) There is peace in my home, with her focus being; "I'm going to just do me and get myself together, get my own place and make a life for myself." This is music to this mother's ears, since I know that in the past it was always the man in her life who drove the agenda. Time appears to be healing old wounds. Alice Parris It is now May 20th, 2008. I am happy to say that my daughter is with me.
She managed to escape her abusive relationship, with her halfway house being her brother’s home, where she found some relief from the relentless psychological abuse of her significant other. She was not ready to come stay with me until she saw, by virtue of the scantiness of unconditional love made available to her, that she would be able to start the real healing process with me. She said, “I am my mother’s daughter.”
I tried so desperatey throughout the years to caution her to not make the same mistakes that I had. All of my warnings fell on deaf ears, as my mother’s warnings fell upon my deaf ears. My daughter is not on medication, nor is she in therapy. She is just being loved for who she is. She is secure, has found a part-time job with people who appear to like her. She respects me and my home and I do not puattempt to push reforms or agendas upon her. They never worked anyhow. My home is a safe environment. There are no power plays here. We have learned to accept and respect each other as we are; wholly imperfect, yet open to truth. Love and laughter are universal medications that all of the physicians and pharmaceutical companies in the world cannot replicate. My daughter has stopped mood-swinging (leading me to further believe that many of these episodes were externally-triggered) There is peace in my home, with her focus being; “I’m going to just do me and get myself together, get my own place and make a life for myself.” This is music to this mother’s ears, since I know that in the past it was always the man in her life who drove the agenda. Time appears to be healing old wounds.
Alice Parris

]]> By: aliceparris http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-95 aliceparris Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:08:23 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-95 At eight, there are still ten years within your legal perogative regarding your daughter. Call a mental health crisis hotline for referrals regarding support groups. It is you who will need the wisdom now, in order to be prepared for her to have a bright rather than predictable future. Surround yourself with loving people , loving couples and loving families. Let her see that not everyone is a taker. As a teen, she will rebell no matter what you are saying or showing. She will do the opposite. It is normal. Now is the time for her to see what is possible for her by witnessing love in close-knit families. Under NO circumstances let her spend the night where there might be the possibility of another breach on her humanity. Blessings, Alice Parris At eight, there are still ten years within your legal perogative regarding your daughter. Call a mental health crisis hotline for referrals regarding support groups. It is you who will need the wisdom now, in order to be prepared for her to have a bright rather than predictable future. Surround yourself with loving people , loving couples and loving families. Let her see that not everyone is a taker. As a teen, she will rebell no matter what you are saying or showing. She will do the opposite. It is normal. Now is the time for her to see what is possible for her by witnessing love in close-knit families. Under NO circumstances let her spend the night where there might be the possibility of another breach on her humanity.
Blessings, Alice Parris

]]> By: anne http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-93 anne Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:47:19 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-93 my daughter is 8 and I am scared to death she may follow the same cycle, I did. I did leave my absuvie marriage only for my ex to remarry and her son abused my daughter at 3 yrs old....long story longer, the abuse could not be proved and well she was able to see him after 2 yrs of a nasty court battle. she is in thearpy but I still see that she leans towards the "bad boys"...any advise and what can i do to stop the cycle. I am not and have not dated so, she is not exposed to the abuse. thank you. my daughter is 8 and I am scared to death she may follow the same cycle, I did. I did leave my absuvie marriage only for my ex to remarry and her son abused my daughter at 3 yrs old….long story longer, the abuse could not be proved and well she was able to see him after 2 yrs of a nasty court battle. she is in thearpy but I still see that she leans towards the “bad boys”…any advise and what can i do to stop the cycle. I am not and have not dated so, she is not exposed to the abuse. thank you.

]]> By: aliceparris http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-87 aliceparris Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:14:48 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-87 Yes, indeed what you say is true. In addition she was due to be born on my birthday, but managed to be five days late. She needs therapy. I have found my therapy in writing about shameful and painful experiences as well as what I see from my particular angle. My daughter loved her father, it is true. He died when she was seven. There is much that she never knew about. I would say therapy and some meds immediately to take her out ot the bipolar-pendulum which is swinging now from depression to mania. We are arranging for an outpatient visit with psychiatrist and psychologist. At this point, she needs to just comply. I had to have her brother committed at eighteen. It broke my heart, but he was in a psychotic-manic phase in which he spent $64,000.00 dollars of his inheritance in a week and he could not tell the real from the unreal. With my daughter, there is more sadness. She presents well, lies and is believable and has evaded any type of court-ordered treatment because her suicidal ideation has not been forthcoming. Also, she was a young adult when she began to exhibit mental illness. I could not exercise parental discretion. Now, as a family, we are prepared to engage in "tough-love" if need be to save her. Thank you for your comment. Many people do not care enough to take the time. People as a whole have become too self-absorbed. Alice Parris Yes, indeed what you say is true. In addition she was due to be born on my birthday, but managed to be five days late. She needs therapy. I have found my therapy in writing about shameful and painful experiences as well as what I see from my particular angle. My daughter loved her father, it is true. He died when she was seven. There is much that she never knew about. I would say therapy and some meds immediately to take her out ot the bipolar-pendulum which is swinging now from depression to mania. We are arranging for an outpatient visit with psychiatrist and psychologist. At this point, she needs to just comply. I had to have her brother committed at eighteen. It broke my heart, but he was in a psychotic-manic phase in which he spent $64,000.00 dollars of his inheritance in a week and he could not tell the real from the unreal. With my daughter, there is more sadness. She presents well, lies and is believable and has evaded any type of court-ordered treatment because her suicidal ideation has not been forthcoming. Also, she was a young adult when she began to exhibit mental illness. I could not exercise parental discretion. Now, as a family, we are prepared to engage in “tough-love” if need be to save her. Thank you for your comment. Many people do not care enough to take the time. People as a whole have become too self-absorbed. Alice Parris

]]> By: antonio http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-85 antonio Wed, 16 Jan 2008 15:45:08 +0000 http://aliceparris.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/the-cycle-of-abuse/#comment-85 your daughter is like you. She is choosing "bad boys" because you did (her father) and she feels most comfortable and learn love from that. She needs therapy to re-think and re-learn what love truly is. your daughter is like you. She is choosing “bad boys” because you did (her father) and she feels most comfortable and learn love from that.

She needs therapy to re-think and re-learn what love truly is.

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