With the best medical care that money can buy, Rush Limbaugh still suffered a bowel perforation caused by purulent substances clinging to his viscera. These infected substances were named: Palin, Ingram, Coulter, Bachmann, Hannity, Beck & O’Reilly. The medical problem became evident after a series of tests were performed. It was determined that the aforementioned Puritan “cling-ons” were the actual causes of the ruptured abdomen. As far as Mr. Limbaugh knew, he only suffered from a “leaky-gut” syndrome. This time, the “cling-ons ” had climbed so far up into his intestions( per rectum) that the only thing that could save his life was an emergency evisceration. The tangled, mottled mass is being examined in the hospital’s pathology lab.
Friends of Rush Limbaugh’s are asking for anyone to make a donation of more bowels. One of the problems with locating a donor seems to be that Mr. Limbaugh refuses to accept the bowels of minorities, liberals, and women. All followers of Rush Limbaugh: be on the look-out for privileged bowels with which to stuff him once again. He has been temporarily stuffed with taxidermal materials(donated by Sarah Palin) which will not last. ” His prognosis is grave.” said the lead surgeon. “Once we find a suitable donor, we must still monitor him for an increase in toxic gases leaking from his buccal cavity; a certain indicator of systemic sepsis.”